Death the Kid Goes Shopping
by TalkingOakTrees
Summary: An extremely OCD Kid ventures to the mall. Armed with his weapons, Liz and Patti, along with a schedual, list, food, tent, and supplies, what could possibly go wrong? Just about everything. Rated T for mild language and occasional crude humor.
1. Chapter 1

It was nighttime in Death City, but one Kid was still awake, pounding carefully away at the keyboard of an old computer. He looked tired, but triumphant, as a small piece of paper slid out of the printer. He snatched it up in both ands and smiled a slightly crazed smile. "It is finished!" He called, lifting it above his head. "Liz! Patty! The day after tomorrow is the time!"

Two girls, dozing against each other on the floor, woke up blearily. "Time for what, Kid?" The taller of the two said, rubbing her eyes and yawning. The shorter girl, surprised by the movement, fell forward on her face, and giggled.

"Time for us to venture out and commit the most treacherous deed known to man." The boy said, standing up and brushing himself off.

"You're so dramatic, Kid. Now what are we doing?"

"Liz. Patti. We." He said dramatically. "Are going shopping!"

This is a tale of unprecedented horror. Beware all of those who seek to continue on in these depths. Because in these pages, you will laugh. You will cry. You will wonder why I'm taking this so seriously. It is time for the average human to witness the trauma that is…

DEATH THE KID GOES SHOPPING


	2. Happy, The Misunderstood Dragon

Kid Goes Shopping

~A horrifying experience none may ever live to repeat.~

AN: This is complete crack. Any offensive remarks were made in the interest of fun. Everyone will be mocked, discriminated against, and ridiculed equally, don't worry; stereotypes were MADE to laugh at. If you can't laugh at yourself, then laugh at others, and tolerate your own stereotypical slurs. We do NOT own Death the Kid or Soul Eater. Sadly. So sit back and enjoy our debut work, Kid Goes Shopping. ~ Tots

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 4:04 AM

Weather: Cloudy, the sky is one perfect blanket of grey.

Mood: Paranoid. Did I hang my pajamas this morning? I think the hanger might be backwards…

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 4:44 AM

Weather: Same.

Mood: Better. The hangers are fine now. As are the bedspread, picture frames, toilet paper, rugs, tablecloth, cereal box, and lampshades.

Thoughts: Today, Liz, Patti, and I are going shopping. I have a list.

List:  
1 Jacket- replace black one with asymmetrical seams on the shoulders

4 pairs of socks- matching pairs have disappeared or gained holes

1 cloak- Lost mine at sea.

2 tape measures- because one is never accurate enough

Tweezers- Liz's eyebrows are getting out of hand again, and the old ones have a scratch down one side, not the other.

4 Bras- Liz and Patti must match as much as they can

43 rolls of toilet paper- must build pyramid

Thoughts: I do hope today is productive. Last time we went shopping, we spent two weeks picking out blow-dryers, and several days finding a tie. I slept at the mall for nearly a month. Not to mention the entrance is absolutely hideous and asymmetrical.  
~KID

* * *

The day of truth had come upon them. Shopping day. Both Liz and Patti were armed to the teeth with credit cards and copious amounts of cash. Kid had two identical bags (European shoulder bags) filled with lists, exact measurements, food, water, and sleeping bags. This day only happened rarely, and when it came, it was like Armageddon, worse than 2012. The Zombie Apocalypse would tremble in fear of the reaper and his weapons on a shopping spree.

Liz strapped on her cowgirl hat and pulled a purse over her shoulder. She looked at her shorter sister, carrying an identical bag.

"Let's do this."

Together they met up with Death the Kid, who surveyed them quietly before beginning his instructions.

"Ladies! We know what lies ahead of us today. Last time was a fiasco, we were in no way prepared! I have enough provisions to last us one week, no more, and no less, as long as SOMEONE," He glared at Liz, "Can keep their hands off the granola bars!"

"Kid, rehydrated broccoli is disgusti-"

"Never mind that! That's all behind us now!" He slapped a pointer against the rolling whiteboard, which showed a layout of the mall, with smiley faces and stick figures following a path. Patti, at this point, had wandered over to the hall closet and was hiding in the jackets.

"Patti drew us this diagram! We will start here, and hit here, here, and here before the end of Day 1. Here, we will find my jacket, and then this place here has benches for us to sit on and eat lunch. After that, we hit here for the socks. After that, we go here to admire the symmetry of the fountain for a while. Next, we go to this place for a cloak. That should get us through day one. Any questions?"

"What if I see something in a store that I wanna go check out? What if I have to go pee?" Liz asked, as Patti emerged from the closet with a marker in her hands, and then skipped to the wall behind Kid, who was oblivious.

Kid's face twitched. "Bathroom breaks are built into the schedule, as are periods of window shopping. With each necessary item we discover, we get a half hour for window shopping."

"Half an hour? Kid, that's crazy!" Liz protested. Patti hummed to herself as her marker skimmed the pure, white wall.

"I know I'm being generous with my time, but-"

"NOT THAT IDIOT!" Liz smacked him upside the head. "You wake me up at 3:00 AM to make sure that my EYEBROWS are symmetrical, then don't let me sleep, then drag me out before the sun's even up just so you can replace a few of the EXACT SAME THINGS you have in your closet, and then you EXPECT me to take HALF AN HOUR to window shop while you complain about asymmetrical hangers and socks that are a shade darker than your pants! You know the reason it took a month last time? Because YOU had to search for wallpaper that was perfectly symmetrical, and then, after WEEKS of searching, you just decide to PAINT YOUR WALLS WHITE. I want MORE time to shop, or I WILL QUIT and leave you by yourself to sneak into woman's dressing rooms because the mirrors are symmetrical there!"

He sighed. "Fine. I will give you thirty-five minutes to- " SMACK "One hour to-" SLAP "Two hours to window shop. Will that be enough?"

Liz scowled and, finally, nodded. "I guess that will have to work." She looked over to find her sister, and her jaw dropped. Patti, during Kid's whole speech, had doodled a friendly (because of its circular, smiley-face head) dragon coming out of the closet to devour the stick figures who ran about Kid's perfectly white wall in no particular order because, as she figured, chaos was what was to be expected when communication between the frantic human race and the friendly, misunderstood dragon that just wanted dinner.

"Alright!" Kid said, as he rolled up his map with the utmost care. "Now, Liz, Patti!" He turned around. "Come, it is ti-" And promptly passed out.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I'm so happy! I got to draw a pretty dragon eating people on the walls! SO, we're going shopping today! Sis and me are uber excited! We just have to wait for Kid. He was still realllllly sleepy, and he just fell asleep standing right there! This is going to be great! If only Kid would wake up, I hope he's ok!  
~PaTtI

* * *

Entry: 501

It's 6:00 AM, Kid woke up, and we've spent the last two hours scrubbing marker off the wall, before he decided that it wasn't enough and we were just going to have to paint over it. Patty pointed out that this wouldn't change the fact that it was still there, so Kid made her draw an exact copy on the opposite side of the closet. She's named the dragon Happy. Happy will destroy us all. Now we're FINALLY leaving for shopping. This is going to be a long day. I'm already exhausted...

Afterthought, why do we need tweezers? My eyebrows look perfectly fine!

~Liz

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 6:12

Mood: Anxious

Revised Shopping List:

1 Jacket- replace black one with asymmetrical seams on the shoulders

4 pairs of socks- matching pairs have disappeared or gained holes

1 cloak- Lost mine at sea.

2 tape measures- because one is never accurate enough

Tweezers- Liz's eyebrows are getting out of hand again, and the old ones have a scratch down one side, not the other.

4 Bras- Liz and Patti must match as much as they can

43 rolls of toilet paper- must build pyramid

Additions:

3 Black Markers- Must have 4, Patti used 1 to draw Happy on the walls.

2 Containers of Advil- Liz claims she needs them.

~KID


	3. We lost Kid

**Hi guys! Wow, look, it's chapter two of Kid's shopping adventure! Yaaaay! Fanfare! Wooo! We appreciate all of you guys who read it, and hope you enjoyed the sillyness of our collaboration! :D We do not own Soul Eater, Death the Kid, Liz, or Patti. We do however own this story and the mall it takes place in. Please, read and enjoy, and review. It takes only a few seconds and it means the world to us. Any kind of helpful criticism or just general feedback is extremely appreciated, and we thank everyone who has reviewed before. With all of that said, enjoy this installment of the world's worst shopping extravaganza! ~Tots**

**

* * *

**

Day: 472

Time: 7:35 AM

Weather: Still blanket of grey

Mood: Anxious.

Thoughts:  
After a near fiasco at the mansion, we've made it through town, and are now facing our worst enemy, the entrance to the Death City Mall. I will courageously brave this difficult matter, with the strength, skill, and planning of a true reaper! No mall will overcome me! Wait a second…. Did I place both bookends equal distances apart on the shelf at home?  
~KID

* * *

Kid, Liz, and Patti stared at the double-door entrance to the mall. It was a typical shopping center, if grossly large. It was a 4-story behemoth, taking up approximately seven city blocks. The three of them trembled before its awesome might.

Actually, Kid trembled before it, trying to resist the urge to run home and check his bookshelf. Liz and Patti had gone inside and were checking out sunglasses in a shoe store.

"Sis! Look! I'm a star!" Patti squealed, running up with a pair of children's red star-shaped sunglasses on. Liz glanced over, sporting a pair of large, tortoise-shell patterned ones.

"Nice one, but I'm not wearing them. Besides, they're like two sizes too small for your head."

"That's not very nice, si- OH LOOK! FUZZY SLIPPERS!" She ran off, the star-shaped glasses forgotten. Liz returned her attention to the main attraction of the store, shoes.

"Man, these are nice!" Liz lifted her leg to admire one strappy pink heel secured to her foot by a yard of ribbon. "What do you think Kid?" No answer. "Kid?" She frowned, slipped on the heel's matching mate, and stood up, walking down the aisle, craning her neck for a glimpse of the black-clad reaper. "Where's Ki- HOLY!" A stream of curses burst in her mind as the tie she'd hastily procured came undone and the shoe itself was flung in the air, sending her flying. She fell on her face, the carpet cutting off the explicit rant before it could even travel down to leave her lips. "Sonofa!" She muttered to the deadly shoe, which had become embedded in the back of her thigh.

Patti, hearing Liz's scream, skipped down the aisle. "Sis, you're not supposed to put the shoe there." She informed, studying the situation intently.

Liz just glared and yanked the deadly heel out of the back of her jeans, ripping the other off her foot. "The things we do for beauty."

Patti just giggled and hopped up and down. Her feet were clad in a pair of neon green fuzzy bunny slippers. "Hey sis, d'you think Kid'll like these if I got them for his birthday?"

Liz blinked, and laughed. "I don't know. Have you seen him? I couldn't find him to show him these deathtraps."

Patti blinked. "I thought he was with you! After we got here I haven't seen him at all!"

Liz looked around. "I don't remember seeing him since… we arrived here and he was staring at the doors…"

The two sisters walked back to the doors. In the precise middle of the middle of the doors, there was a note:

"Liz and Patti-

Went home to check bookshelf. Don't buy anything until I get back.  
~Kid"

"…."

"Bookshelf? What could possibly be wrong with his bookshelf?"

* * *

"….there!" Kid put away his measuring tape, slide angle ruler, protractor, compass and absurdly large magnifying glass that showed him nanometers. "Exactly 3.74 meters apart from each other, facing exactly 120 degrees away from the angle the sun hits at exactly 7:07 each morning… Now, what else do I have to do today…" Lost in thought, he'd completely forgotten Liz and Patti, stranded at the mall.

However, they weren't exactly complaining. But neither was Kid. He spent the remainder of his forgotten time (approximately three and a half hours) doing the extremely arduous task of rearranging his bookshelf so that the spines of the books on the left matched the ones on the right. He'd nearly bought two volumes of each book, one to have on each side, until he discovered that if you angled the mirror just so, the books were symmetrically reflected back, making everything symmetrical. Glancing in said mirror, he noticed something that made his jaw drop in horror. One of the white hairs on his head had fallen out and casually landed on the lapel of his jacket.

"!" He screamed, falling in a curled, fetal position on the perfectly symmetrical floor.

"GARBAGE, I'M ASYMMETRICAL GARBAGE! I DON'T DESERVE TO BE ALIVEEE!" It was approximately 9: 04, perfect timing for his nearly-daily nervous breakdowns. He spent quite a while rocking back and forth on his heels, sobbing various nonsense about not deserving to live and being trash. Eventually, he managed to find a pair of tweezers, and ever-so carefully remove the white strand from his jacket with the care of someone handling a bomb, or worse, a baby. After this, he had to comb his hair and part it perfectly. Rolling around hysterically on the floor tended to mess up perfected hair styles.

After all of this, he finally remembered about the mall, for the simple reason that the tweezers were scratched, and it made him think of Liz, and Patti, and shopping…

"Shopping!" He jumped up and ran out of the room, down the hall, down three flights of stairs, down another hall, and out the door to Death Manor, racing through the streets on Beelzebub.

Even faster, if it were possible, he raced back, through the door, down the hall, up three flights of stairs, down another hall, and to the room, vacuum cleaner in hand. He tediously combed the room for the tweezers, then the white hair which he had so carelessly discarded, making the room oh-so asymmetrical. After removing that parasite, he realized that the room just needed to be vacuumed, so he did. The time was then 11:07.

* * *

"Man, I sure wish Kid would show up, we need someone to carry our bags." Liz commented. Her and Patti each had four bags dangling from their arms, as well as new sunglasses and a really cute pair of butterfly earrings Patti had discovered.

The shorter girl just giggled. "Shopping is fun! I'm hungry, sis, when can we eat?"

"I guess we can go buy some food. Kid's not here to complain, right?"

So they stood in line and waited for the food.

"Hi, I'd like a-WAAH!"

At that moment, Kid had shown up, grabbed their arms, and dragged them away. "We are NOT here for pleasure, ladies, we are here to SHOP." He was completely serious. "We will NOT give in to consumerism everywhere and eat this disgusting grease they call food here!"

"We do every other da-"

"We will be STRONG and not give in to temptation! Now that I am here, you two will be following my lead! There has been some collateral," He gestured to the four bags, "But no serious harm done. Form now on, we will stick to the plan! Here." He handed them each a celery stick and a peanut butter sandwich. "Eat quickly! WE HAVE WORK TO DO!"

"….Kid, one question."

"Yes, Liz?"

"WHERE WERE YOU AND WHY DID IT TAKE YOU FOUR HOURS?"

The time was precisely 11:35.

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 11:37

Weather: Sunny with scattered clouds

Mood: Prepared

Thoughts:  
After several minor setbacks, we have finally begun our shopping excersion. I do not know what else will happen today, I can only hope that it will end well for all involved. We will need all of our skill, strength, and cunning to survive this gargantuan task. I have long hours ahead of me. These are dark times, one only a reaper can manage. A reaper, with two... somewhat reliable... weapons.

Suddenly I'm more aprehensive than I was a moment ago.

~KID


	4. Attack of the Killer Pants

Chapter 4: Attack of the killer pants

Day: 472

Time: 12:00 PM

Mood: Prepared

Thoughts:

After a brief pep talk, quick lunch break, and a run to the storage facility to drop the bags, Liz, Patti, and I are all prepared to face the actual aspects of our outing today, beginning with item one on the list; my jacket, followed by the socks. I will update after that.

~KID

* * *

"Ladies, now on to actual business." Kid straightened his clip-tie thingamajig and whipped out a sheet of paper. Liz glanced up, her mouth firmly attached to a plastic red straw delivering the contents of a milkshake to her delighted taste buds. Patti was spinning around in the swirly chair.

"First item on the list is a jacket for me. I need a -" Just then, Liz's milkshake got caught in the straw, the delicious frozen beverage too thick and creamy to be sucked up. She frowned and started tugging on the lid as Kid droned on.

"-To replace the one with the asymmetrical seams on the shoulders. We get it from this store here-" He tapped the map of the mall on the table. Liz pulled on the milkshake cup, hand firmly on the lid. It would not move. Kid continued, oblivious to the fact that only Patti was staring at him with rapt attention.

"And then we will ask the sales associate for another sample possible in raven's black instead of crow's black-" She yanked on the cup, hard, then motioned for Patti to grab the end of the cup and pull.

"Kay sis!" She cheerfully pulled hard.

"Wait, Liz, Patti, are you even paying attention-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The lid popped off with a force that sent the cup shooting into the air, splattering Kid, Liz, Patti, and the table with strawberry goodness.

"Damnit!" Liz wailed. "That was a good shake!

After running from the mall cops and hiding temporarily in a perfume-intoxicated clothing store that had left Kid asphyxiating on the floor, they had finally made it to the specific tailoring store on the third floor that Kid had always used. Finally at home, Death the Kid walked inside, breathing in the familiar scent of a good suit.

"Ello, velcome to Ishbar's Men's Tailoring, 'ow may I help yo- OOOOO GOODIE it is Ishbar's favorite customeeerrr! What on earth brings you here, Kid, my man?" He had creamy brown skin, just like milk chocolate that had been left on a park bench on a summer's day and then sat upon by a large person. Maybe not the last part. His hair was black and cut short; his teeth and nails were cleanly polished. He wore a white suit with a purple shirt and a black tie, and his accent was all over the place. He was obviously very flamboyant.

Kid cracked a smile as Liz's jaw hit the floor. Patti had gone skipping off into clothing racks. And racks there were. Rows and rows and rows of suits, jackets, hats, shoes, everything a well-dressed business professional or just a suit fanatic could ever want or need, just hanging on rows and rows of hangers and racks. There were nine rows that went down the length of the store, which was about the same as twenty death scythes, end to end, lying on the floor. Patti had skipped down one of these isles, and Liz could no longer see her shorter, bustier sister.

Kid was continuing his conversation with Ishbar. "The right seam was exactly .25 off to the left seam and I just can't be walking around dlooking like that."

"Perfectly understandable! Ishbar will fix you right up, Death the Kid, sir!" He whipped out a measuring tape and pointed to a podium. Kid removed his jacket and shirt (Insert fangirls squealing) for optimum accurate measurements.

Liz had begun looking for her sister. "Patti? Patti? Patti!"She started wandering down the aisles, laughing at the outrageously colored suits. As time wore on and she couldn't find Patti, she imagined that one of the ugly suits had eaten her sister.

"What a shitty way that'd be to die, eaten by pants! Huh, Patti? Patti? Huh. Didn't find that funny, really? Patti?" She continued wandering, until she got to the end of one aisle and saw a particularly ugly suit crumpled on the floor. She laughed at it.

"Ha, Patti, come see this ugly thing, it's so gross!" She laughed and laughed… until the suit rose from the ground. Of its own accord. Her jaw dropped and she stumbled back. "Patti, that's not funny… Patti?" The suit didn't answer, and began moving towards her. Panicked, she began to run down one of the aisles, then another. Something laughed evilly, and she began to freak out, seeing evil faces hiding in the suit jackets and cannibalistic tendencies forming in the trousers. She ran up and down the aisles, panicking, until something grabbed her ankle and she screamed bloody murder, jumping twenty feet in the air. It was gone when she looked back down, and she clutched her heart, breathing hard. Then…

Thunk. Something hit the floor.

Thunk. "Don't turn around Liz…"

Thunk. "It's just Kid…"

Thunk. "Oh god, why me, I'm too young to dieeee!"

Thunk. "Ok, I can do this…" She slowly turned around and…

There was the giant pair of pants walking towards her, the sleeves floppy and outstretched.

"I've had enough of thiiiiis!" Liz screamed, turning to run. The pant-monster chased her down to the back of the aisle furthest away from Kid, until she was sobbing in a corner, begging.

"I'm too young to die, please, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I'm too pretty to die, I'm too hot to die! My body is too good to be eaten by gross zombie pants, where's Patti!" The pant-thing drew closer and closer, so she finally reached out her arms to push it away, and her hand collided with something… really squishy. She squeezed. The evil ghost pants giggled. She blinked and tore off the jacket head of the pant-monster. It was… Patti. And her hand was on… Patti's boob.

Liz, at that point, sat down, curled up in a ball, and stayed there until Kid was done. Just stayed there.

Patti, however, skipped around and played dress-up, rearranging all the suits and scaring people that happened to walk down whatever aisle she happened to be playing in. "Terrifying people is fun!

* * *

Entry 502

Dear whomever finds this,

I have decided to kill myself. I just can no longer stand the tortures of being chased by evil zombies, ghosts, and murderous pants as a prank. I've lived a good life. Maybe not so long, but the good die young, right? Patti, I love you. Kid, your hair was always asymmetrical. I hope you both go drown, with your evil pants and your stupid suits. Goodbye world.

* * *

"Liz, Patti, Come on, I have the jacket. Liz, what are you doing curled up like that writing? Now is not the time for games! Come on girls!"  
"Kid, I'm writing my suicide note!"  
"Good for you. Now hurry up! I need socks next!"

* * *

I really hate my life.

~Liz

* * *

AN: Woah, here we are, chapter 4 of this crazy thing….. man, and they got something accomplished! Yay! I don't care if it's impossible for a mall shop to be that big, the rules of my universe say it is :P How many of you saw that ending coming, huh? I don't care if it's cheesy, I still find it funny…. So thank you for sticking with me this long, or for joining me right now. I'm so happy for all of my reviews and reads, I appreciate every comment, reviews, good or bad, are both welcome. I don't own Death the Kid or anyone from Soul Eater, Ishbar, however, I own, and the killer pants I also own. And that milkshake. I own that. So, hope you enjoyed, comment, review, message, send a pigeon, or not. And look forward to next week's edition of this story, the search for symmetrical socks!


	5. A Minor Setback

Whoops… got insanely busy. Sorry guys! It took a while to get out, and it's written kind of in a hurry, so I promise the next chapter will be AWESOME. In my opinion. Once again, don't own anything. Enjoy!

We Hereby Pause For a Brief, Minor Setback

* * *

There was a real-time traffic monitor blaring to show people how long they could expect the walk to be from one end of the mall to the next. At the moment, that monitor read:

47:39

And, if at that moment, you had begun walking at a leisurely pace from one end to the mall (as one individual did), you would have discovered that it did, in fact, take 47 minutes and 39 seconds. Normally, it was more along the lines of 15:00, exactly, with a marginal error of 5:00 in either direction, depending on how fast you ran, walked, or jogged. What slowed it down that day were the crowds. Huge, massive throngs of people gathered in the building, for some kind of author signing, blow-out sale, or simply to get out of the way of the clouds, whom had decided to dump their miserable load on every happy-go-lucky street walker. Aka, it was raining. Hard.

A very impatient Kid was standing at one end of that mall, glaring up at the screen. "None of those numbers are in the least bit symmetrical! Liz, Patti! WEAPON MODE."

"I knew we shouldn't have gotten him that video game…" Liz muttered, popping into gun form. Patti, giggling, followed suit.

Several gunshots later, the real-time traffic monitor was in several pieces and raining on a screaming crowd, come inside to escape the water rain only to be showered upon by an electrical one. Liz sighed.

"You're gonna get us kicked out, Kid!"

"Nonsense!" They changed back to humans.

"Sparkles!" Patti cried out, pointing and jumping. "Hey Kid, who are those guys coming with the flashlights and the blue on?"

He jumped. "RUN!" And Kid and Patti did, right down the crowded intersections of the mall.

"GUYS?" Liz shouted, looking around. She hadn't heard Kid, and all she could see was a perfectly symmetrical path being blazed through the crowd. Occasionally when it wasn't symmetrical, it would retrace itself, and then become symmetrical, then continue racing on until the next symmetrical hurdle.

She turned to run, and was tackled by a large man with dark skin and a very round face. The tag on his chest read 'R. O. Bee' and it was all she could see before her face was jammed into his armpit. That smelled like Old Spice.

'Well, at least it could be worse.'

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to detain you."

"KIIIIIID!"

* * *

Kid and Patti skidded behind a corner, breathing heavily as the coppers chased by.

"That was close. Liz, Patti, we're going to need to stay lo- Patti,"

"Yeeah?"

"Where is Liz?"

"She was playing with the coooooops."

"Oh no!" His eyes widened, and he frowned and folded his arms across his chest. "This isn't good. She's playing while we're on a mission! I will not have that. Come on, Patti. We're going to go get Liz back. Shame on her for getting distracted…."

Patti nodded, giggling, and pointed. "Kid, look! It's a kitty! Can I keep him?"

"No Patti. You cannot keep the kitty."

* * *

"Owwwwwww this place is dark and scary and dirty and grossssssss." Liz moaned, hitting her head on the ceiling for what felt like the twentieth time. (It had actually been the third time.) "I don't like it, can I please go? It wasn't my fault, I swear, it was Kid! It was all Kid!"

"You can't blame it on some guy whose name you don't even know." Officer Bee glared at her and took a bite out of his Honeybun. "Kid. Psh. What a stupid nickname."

"I swear! It's Death the Kid! Lord Death's soooon!"

"Yeah. And I'm a big ol' fat stupid guy."

She chose not to comment.

* * *

"….and then we're going to exit out the back doors, repel through the ceiling, and land in the sock store with Liz. Got it, Patti?"

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"…you're asleep aren't you?" Kid turned around from where he had been drawing the diagram on the board. Patti sat up drowsily.

"Kay. Can we go get the unicorn now?" She said sleepily.

"Come on Patti, let's go get Liz."

"Kay." She shook her head, giggled, and followed Kid into the air vent.

"ACHOOO!" She sneezed again and giggled. "Kid, there's so much dust!"

Kid was crawling reluctantly in front of her, twitching when it branched off in three directions…. "Desperate measures, Patti. Your sister went and got herself arrested."

Patti nodded. "Squished bug!"

And they trudged on.

* * *

"Where were you on the 20th of October?"

"I don't know!"

"Why don't you know?"

"Because it's only July!"

"That ain't no excuse! Where were you five hours ago?"

"Kid's mansion! We're shopping!"

"LIAR!"

"I'M SERIOUS! MY SISTER DREW A DRAGON ON THE WALL!" She wailed.

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"

"LIZ!"

"LIZ AIN'T NO LAST NAME!"

"ELIZABETH THOMPSON!"

"WHERE IS YOUR ACCOMPLICE, THOMPSON SISTER!"

"WITH KID!"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO TO GIRLS IN PRISON?"

"WHAT? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"GIMME THE MONEY!"

"WHAT?"

"Sorry, old habits die hard, Miss Elizabeth."

"Bu-"

"Do you want a scone?"

"But you were ju-"

"Scone?"

* * *

"We're almost there…" They could see the light of the mall detaining center. "Five… four… three… two… one… NOW!"

They kicked in the grate and dropped to the ground, Kid had his hand outstretched for Liz so he could use his weapons. They fell, landed in a crouch, and stood up quickly, ready to fight. Liz cried in relief and ran to Kid, changing into a gun. He got them out of there, and, by some mirical, when they returned to human forms, Liz and Patti were identical twins, of identical height and breast size! He was so happy! Yeah, Kid thought, that's gonna happen.

They did drop to the ground, that's about as far as his daydream went. What they saw instead was this.

"Oh, really, Rob, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself! It's a very under appreciated job, mall security!'  
"Thank you ma'am. You know, people just don't understand anymore!" Liz was sitting next to the cop, with a large cup of coffee and a box of doughnuts. They were chatting like ladies at tea.

"I know, it's hard to turn over a new leaf, even harder when no one says thank you."

"We aren't supposed to want it, but a thank you every now and then would just be nice, you know?"

"Thank you sir, for everything. Oh, hey Kid, hey Patti. This is my new brothah Rob."

Rob nodded and raised his fingers in a wave. "Hey guys."

O.O

"REALLY?" Kid shouted. "WE DID ALL OF THIS FOR NOTHING?"

"Not for nothing, Kid." Patti said seriously. "Sis learned a valuable lesson about friendship and not judging people."

Liz nodded. "That's right!"

"To hell with the morals, I need socks!"

* * *

Entry 503

Had an awesome time chatting with Rob. We're going to get lunch next Tuesday, I get to meet his family, little Judy looked so adorable in the pictures! Feeling so much better now. Can't wait for moer shopping!

~Liz

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 2:00 PM

Mood: o_o

Thoughts: I just want my socks!

~KID

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! Please, review, leave a comment, love it, check back, I promise that next time Kid will get his socks. (Or will he?) Bwahahahahahahaaa!


	6. Socks, Pluto, and the Fourth Wall

AN: Wow, I'm impressed. People like me, they really like me! *insert insane laughter* WELL I know it's been an uber long time and I severely apologize and I thank everyone with the patience to still read this story. I've had exams and I've been studying like crazy, there's just been a lot going on and I've had to cut out what I love (writing random stories about people in malls…..) I'M SO SORRY. I AM SO SO SO SORRY. I SWEAR I'LL BE GOOD, PLEASE STILL LOVE ME. And, without further adieu, SOCKS.

~Chapter Six: The Fourth Wall~

"LADIES. I know that we have been facing some problems on this difficult expedition. I know that we have been stuck in this same hallway for the past two and a half chapters."

"Kid, you're breaking the fourth wall-"

"TO HELL WITH THE FOURTH WALL."

"-and it's only been a chapter. Not to mention you spent most of that chapter in an air duct." The ever-literal Liz pointed out as her and Patti tried on Indian-style scarves set up in a little kiosk.

"Be as that may," The irate reaper continued, "We are way off schedule and I need new socks. The ones I have are an inch away from falling apart. At different seams, none the less." The girls admired themselves in the mirror (Liz in purple, Patti in red) as Kid continued to talk. "I have an image to uphold! A reputation to maintain! People scrutinize me every day for fault, even down to my measly socks! I will NOT disappoint my fans! I WILL GET SYMETRICAL SOCKS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

"Yeah, that's great Kid." Liz said absentmindedly, handing the scarf back to the helpful woman behind the cash register. "Do you have this in purple?

"Hi!" Patti waved to the amassing crowd, staring at the strange, neurotic boy in the suit raving on and on about socks. They quickly walked away after they saw her. She handed her scarf back, giggling, and watched Kid cheerfully, slurping on a slushie she'd gotten a few moments previous. It, too, was red.

After a few more precious minutes, Death the Kid realized his lost cause. At this point, (he had been shaking a finger up to the sky offering some promise to some divine being or another, it didn't matter, he'd see them all around the holidays) he stopped and recalculated.

"Liz, Patti! Come on. We're wasting time!" And he began marching through the crowd. It was funny, the crowds seemed to just part right before he could even enter them. And weren't those people really, really quiet? He just marked it up as another strange thing about people who didn't walk around with people-formed weapons.

"Hey, Liz?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we should follow Kid?"

"Eventually. We know where he's going, after all." She handed over the money and put the scarf in her army of bags. Patti had purchased bangles in bright orange brass to jangle around her arms.

* * *

Death the Kid walked down the hall. He walked, and walked, and finally made it to where he wished to be. Where he'd been wanting to be for the past two chapters.

'Simply Socks'

Some information on the history of said establishment. You see, Benjimari Adublah had started this business some fifty years previously after he had immigrated from somewhere where English was merely another language one would never have to learn, like Norwegian, or American. Because he did not have a grasp on the finer points of said language, he changed his name to Simple John, and named his business the same, unfortunately, he himself died in a freak accident involving a spork, a blow-dryer, and Swiss Cheese five years after opening. Salazar Pauls, the man who had bought the establishment, made the switch to Simple Salazar. He had died twenty years previously in another freak accident involving an ice cube, a rake, and several pounds of freshly ground tuna fish. For another decade, the store was owned by one Sidney 'Lucky Sock' Johnson, who had ditched Salazar in favor of his favorite name and changed the adjective to an adverb. After he moved to Australia, the store was given to his unsuccessful cousin, Alfred Jones, who had no sense of abstract concepts, and who from then on had made sure that it sold socks, and simply socks.

To the young reaper, this place was as close to heaven as anything could be. There were phat socks and skinny socks, striped socks and polka-dotted socks. But he walked directly to the giant wall labled: 'Black Socks'.

They were socks, and they were black. And he was happy. Grinning, he walked towards the wall of perfectly sewn black socks.

* * *

Five boutiques and twenty shopping bags later, Liz and patti were getting that feeling again.

"Patti, I'm feeling kind of déjà vu…" Liz said, lifting her sunglasses up of the top of her head.

"Eh? Why?" Patti asked, looking up from her new glittering butterfly clips. They came in six shades of the rainbow, plus indigo. Whoever had banned indigo form the rainbow was on Patti's blacklist, along with whoever had decided that Pluto wasn't good enough to be a planet. Someday that person would pay. Someday.

"Pat, you've got that murderous look in your eye again… are you thinking about the people that decided to flame every anime video on youtube again?"

"Thanks for reminding me." Patti's eye twitched.

"I think that's enough comedic influence. Let's just go find Kid."

"They will pay, Liz…. They will pay."

"I know Patti. I know."

* * *

"No, no, no! The seams across the toe have to be EXACTLY the same! I CANNOT HAVE ASSYMETRICAL TOES." Death the Kid was sitting on one of the benches you'd find in a shoe store with both socks and shoes off, flexing his toes inside the thirteenth pair of black socks he'd tried on to that moment.

"I'm sorry sir. I'll go find another pair right away." The first employee who had tried to help Kid had fled the store in some sort of hysterical meltdown after ten minutes. Following the abrupt leaving of several of his employees in similar fashions, the owner, previously noted as Alfred, had stepped in.

"Try these, sir."

"Kid! There you are!"

"PLUTO IS A PLANET."

"Liz! Patti! I think I've got it!"

"Great! Can we eat now? I'm starved!"

"We just ate! We need to go get-"

"ANIME IS NOT THE ANTICHRIST!"

"Sir, you like these?'

"-my cloak! I'd like 4, wait, 6, no, 8 pairs! 8! MAKE IT 8!"

"Yes, Sir."

"Kid, I'm starved!"

"INDIGO IS A COLOR!"

"SHUT UP PATTI!"

"Yes, that will be $230."

"WHAT!"

* * *

Day: 472

Time: 4:00 PM

Mood: Satisfied.

Thoughts: Haggled the price of those socks successfully down to $120. Being a reaper sure does help with bargaining. Immortal souls and all. I think that, despite the two hours it took, the socks were successful. Now we need to go get my cloak, and then we should be nearly ready to find a place to set up camp. We are back on track!

~KID

* * *

Entry 504

Got some really cute stuff. Patti's gone a little crazy, but I'm sure she'll be all glitter soon enough. I hope. I'm going to die in this mall, aren't I?

~Liz

* * *

Next time on Death the Kid goes Shopping: Patti Goes Crazy. Coming soon to a near you!


	7. Timeframes

Ch 7: Timeframes.

AN: OKAY. My computer died. I had a PC. RIP, PC. But now I have a Mac! Names Florence! And it's all good! Because I can write more. I'm back! And the next chapter WILL be up before 2012! I WILL do this. If you're just entering my fun little world for the first time, enjoy, if you've managed to stick with me this long, congrats, you deserve a sticker.

"PATTI ANGRY. PATTI SMASH!"

"NO! NOT THE ICE CREAM!"

"KID TAKE THE DAMN SHOT!"

"I...I can't!" He wailed.

"WHY NOT?"

~ 20 minutes previously ~

"A disaster. Total chaos. I'm never getting my shopping accomplished." Kid was grumpily sitting amongst the wreckege.

"Is THAT what you're concerned about?" Liz put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "My sister's emotionally traumatized and expressing it with violence and you're concerned about SHOPPING?"

"No need to get angry, Liz. We can work this out." He stood up and brushed off his shoulders. "We just need to wait for her to come down."

" Miss Elizabeth!" A voice came from behind an overturned table as a familiar, round face peeped up.

"Rob!" She cheered, rushing over to pull him in to their convoluted fort. "You survived!"

"Yes, Miss Elizabeth, we are trained to handle these situations. Happen every year on something in America called Black Friday." He shuddered. "Those people are craaazy." He shook his bald, shiny head. "But I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to get a grip over that girl. She's destroying the mall!"

"Just wait her out. Sh'll be done soon enough and going on and on about some Happy Fun Sunshine crap." Kid waved his hand dismissivly.

"She's constructed a giant paper dragon out of shoe boxes! I'm sorry, but you've got to get her under control or get her out of here!"

"We'll be glad to get her ou-"

"NO! You cannot ask me to leave!" Symmetrical tears slid down Death the Kid's face in great ribbons of blue moisture. "I'm not done with my list! WE HAVE TO CONTAIN HER."

"Are you serious about this?" Liz asked, shocked.

"Well, we've managed to block her in this one hallway, if you can manage to get her under control again, I might be able to smooth this over. I am head officer here." Rob beamed.

"How are we going to control her? She's... terrifying..." Liz moaned.

"I have a plan!" Kid motioned them closer and whispered, "Now here's what we're going to do..."

~10 minutes previous~

"Patti? You okay?" Liz had finished writing a blurb in her journal and was beginning to notice that her sister was acting... strange. Stranger than normal.

"No." Patti turned and tilted her head alllll the way yo the left.

"Kid." Liz backed up. Patti came closer.

"What's wrong, dear sister? Am I...scaring you?"

"Kid?" Liz looked around. Patti came closer.

"Did you know, that Pluto is no longer a planet? Nor indigo a color? I did not know. I am not happy, Liz. Not. Happy. Now. Where was I?"

"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid?"

"Yes, mwaha-"

"Ma'am? Excuse me." A pimply, ginger teenage boy in an orange-and-red striped shirt appeared with a clip board and a sign.

"Hm?"

"There's a $10 fee for evil laughter."

"What?"

"If you want to laugh maniaclly or evilly, I'll have to charge you $10."

"But...why?" For a moment, the monster was gone, and normal, cute Patti looked so heartbroken.

"Yeah, it's Copy Right Infringment."

"On a laugh?"

"Yeah, the Death Eaters Copy Righted it fifteen years ago."

"But... they've been gone for so long!"

"It's in effect until June of 2020."

"...!" Patti seized a table and flipped it over, jumping on top of it. She took off like a bullet.

"KID!

"Hmmm?"

"LOOK!"

He looked up, and his jaw dropped. "TAKE COVER!" He dove behind a table. Liz followed, and they spent the next eight minutes creating a perfectly symmetrical fort out of broken odds and ends Patti kept chucking their way. The mini-food court would never be the same. Only the mini one, though. The mall was so large, some people got lost in it. So, to control the starvation death toll, the mall invested in several smaller food and beverage selling areas set up intermittenly along the main pathway. This was one of those areas.

~ 25 minutes later ~

"I got the goods!" Rob shouted, handing the packedge to Kid. He took it.

"Thank you, my good man. Now, Liz, Rob, GO!"

They both ran into the aisle and hollered, waving their arms to distract Patti.

Kid held up the gun and then...

"PATTI ANGRY. PATTI SMASH!"

"NO! NOT THE ICE CREAM!"

"KID TAKE THE DAMN SHOT!"

"I...I can't!" He wailed.

"WHY NOT?"

"It's not symmetrical!"

"HOLD IT IN BOTH HANDS AND SHOOT!"

"Oh. Okay then." He aimed and fired, hitting her squarely in the backside.

She roared in pain, then stumbled forward and fell, fanny in the air, peacefully asleep.

Liz removed the tranquillizer dart from her sister's behind. "Phew. I was beginning to think that we were toast..."

Rob nodded. "Now all you have to do is clean up her mess and you can stay!"

"...WHAT?"

Day: Is it still 472? No, I think it's 473...

Time: ... 2:49 AM

Mood: Exhausted

Thoughts: So tired... cleaned up everything...made it perfect... still have tomorrow...

~KID

Entry 505

I hate my life.

~Liz.

Patti snored peacefully through it all, her dreams of Happy and glitter restored. GLittery fire, that is.


	8. An Unexpected Twist

**AN: This chapter was written while I listened to 'Like a Knife' by Secondhand Serenade. I hope that it doesn't show it. You know, for a person who loves writing comedy, I listen to such sad music. Anywho, I don't own any of this, as usual. Enjoy the not-2-month wait! I'm being proactive!**

After finishing their late-night journal entries, Kid and Liz fell asleep in a sprawled heap, Kid using Liz as a pillow, Liz using Kid as a blanket. Rob had left to go see Mrs. Rob and their little chubby children. Patti had been given a pillow and a blanket covered in kitties. All was quiet on the Western Fro- er, the Mall's Third Left Floor.

Daylight happened. And with it came a voice over.

'He creeps in the night, like lightning he strikes! BLACK STAR IS HE-!"

BANG. Sleeping Kid, with his newfound two-hand control, had grabbed sleeping Liz, who easily turned into a gun, and shot the noisy intruder without much thought. Luckily, Black Star dodged (or they weren't aiming to hit him) and escaped unscathed.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" And with that, Black Star retreated to the ice cream parlor located on the second floor where Tsubaki waited for him. She looked up.

"How did it go-"

"Double chocolate malt." He sat sullenly at the ice cream bar. "Double espresso."

* * *

Chapter 8: An Unexpected Twist

* * *

"Hark hear the bells sweet silver bells~~"

"Liz?" Kid woke up with a groan and equally sleepy eyes. "Why're you singing? With multiple voices..." There was a slight pause where he put several things together, then he jumped to his feet with a scream. "HOLIDAY SHOPPERS!"

"Kid? Kid! KID?"

He woke with Liz shaking his shoulders as he gasped. "WHAT MONTH IS IT?"

"The hel-"

"We don't have time for humerous banter! Liz! What month is it?"

"It's October, silly!" Patti giggled, standing up and removing the dart from her fanny without so much as a wince. Like she had done this many times before...she also hadn't questioned the dart... Kid eyed her nervously.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's October."

"Early or late?"

"Wha-"

"EARLY OR LATE?"

"Late, it's October 28th, why?" Liz looked alarmed.

Kid's face turned grim. "Ladies. This is no longer just a walk in the park-"

"When was it a walk in the park?"

He shot the offending Liz a glare, cleared his throat, and continued. "We are on a deadline, ladies."

"A dead line? A dead line of what!" Patti looked around expectantly. For what, neither Kid nor Liz was sure they wanted to know...

"A deadline! I mean we have a timeframe."

"Like this?" She held up a picture frame with little pictures of clocks.

"What? No! I mean that our shopping experience now has limits!"

"Like one-per-customer limits?"

"STOP MISUNDERSTANDING EVERYTHING I SAY!" KId exploded, the background behind him turning red and flaming while his eyes matched with equally exaggerated and comical flames.

FFFFFFFFFFSHHH FSSSSSHHHHH

The next thing he knew, Liz covered Kid with a fine sheen of foam from a conveniently placed fire extinguisher. "You were flaming, Kid."

He spat out a mouthful of the foul fire extinguishing foam stuff. "And now I have to go take a shower." Liz and Patti groaned simultaneously.

"You girls, too!"

They all trudged down to the basements of the mall, tired, cranky, and covered in foam and the remains of picnic table rubble Patti destroyed the day before.

* * *

Day: 473

Time: 11:11 AM (Best time of the day! :D :D :D)

Mood: Dirty.

Thoughts:

Must take shower. Feel so unclean. Also might be allergic to this foam stuff. I do believe my arms are beginning to swell. No matter, I brought along my pens. I have to stab them in my thighs at the exact same time, otherwise I feel lopsided and uneven. Oh well. Time to rinse this stuff off.

* * *

Entry 506

Shower time! Kid's swelling like a balloon. This should take a few hours...

* * *

Patti closed her eyes and sung happily as the water cascaded down her shoulders and back. Few people knew of the showering facilities located in the Mall's work out section. Only the mall cops really had any use for it, and the secret society of slave employees kept to work in the stock room and take care of the Easter and Christmas displays year-round. But no one knew about that, of course.

Except for the supervisors and Patti. She knew a lot of things that others didn't. It could be rather strange and frightening sometimes.

And now our omnipresent narrator switches to view Liz as she dried off her hair, having taken the first shower. Patti could get obsessed with soap bubbles and play for hours in the running water, Liz was a girl who took short showers and time getting her hair, makeup, and clothing ready. Somehow Patti always looked like she always did, even with the shortest of time constraints.

Kid himself took longer in the bathroom than either of the girls. He applied equal amounts shampoo to each individual strand of hair, cried at his uneven white streaks at least three times, and coated every last inch of his body in a foam of soap exactly six times. By then, his hair was ready to be rinsed for exactly eight minutes, and conditioner applied the same way every other day. Then he had to repeat the entire process. After the water was off, he applied a generous coating of lotion to his entire body, dressed, and began the hour-long process of combing and drying his hair. All in all, Kid took two and a half hours to prepare on a conditioner day, two hours on non-conditioner days.

* * *

~Several Uneventful Hours Later~

* * *

"LADIES. Do you know why we're not on strict time constraints?" Patti opened her mouth to comment, but a glare from Kid silenced whatever was about to spew from her lips.

"Why, Kid?" Liz slumped forward on her hands. She'd learned at the beginnings of their partnership that the best course of action involved giving Kid what he wanted so he'd finish faster.

"Because! It's almost..." He glanced down at his notecards. -Pause for dramatic effect- He paused for dramatic effect.

"HOLIDAY SEASON."

Liz and Patti stared at him blankly. Then it dawned on them. They gasped and ran around in circles.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"LADIES. As comedic as this is, we have to get back to work!" Kid snapped. "Let's get MOVING."

"YES SIR."

The trio trouped upstairs to find the next item on their list- but wait, where was the list?

Kid patted his pockets and frowned frantically.

"Kid? You're frowning frantically!" Liz panicked.

"I...list...lost... I LOST THE LIST!"

* * *

"Hey, Black Star?"

He looked up from his bowl of ice cream (his fifth) sullenly. "Yeah?"

"What's this?" She plucked a piece of white paper off of his back. He blinked and took it, reading it aloud slowly. "1 Jacket- replace black one with asymmetrical seams on the shoulders...4 pairs of socks- matching pairs have disappeared or gained holes...1 cloak- Lost mine at sea...2 tape measures- because one is never accurate enough...Tweezers- Liz's eyebrows are getting out of hand again, and the old ones have a scratch down one side, not the other...4 Bras- Liz and Patti must match as much as they can...43 rolls of toilet paper- must build pyramid... hmmmm... hey, Tsubaki! I know what this is!"

She brightened immediately. "You do?"

"Yeah! It's someone's shopping list! But whose?"

Annnnd then her shoulders slumped. Well, he'd gotten it half right.

"I mean, who would need all of that stuff and so specifically? WHO ARE LIZ AND PATTI?"

"Black Star..."

"I mean, I know who they are. But who would want to buy them stuff?" He scratched his chin, then brightened. "Hey, I know!"

"You do?" She dared to look hopeful.

"Yeah! I bet Soul and Maka are doing their Christmas shopping early!"

A black cloud descended upon Tsubaki's head. "I...guess you're...right...nnngh..."

"We'll just haveta go find them! It's a mission! YEAAAAHOOOO!"

"Oh boy..."

* * *

All hell will soon break loose. For Black Star had the list.


	9. Lamenting

Yeah. No excuse. You guys know those times when you realize it's been forever since you've done something you really want to do but because it's already been so long a few more months won't make a difference? I've been working on this on and off all year. I feel kind of pathetic. I'm SO SORRY. The next chapter is already underway and WILL be out within a month! I PROMISE!

In other news, let's go stalk Black Star!

* * *

"Tsubaki! I think I see them!"

"Um...Black Star...maybe you want to keep your voice down…" The ever-trying Tsubaki was, once more, trying to get an idea into the somewhat….creative?…. mind of her partner. "Perhaps...that list wasn't S-"

There was a very feminine squeal followed by a fairly masculine slap, and a very large woman stomped past Tsubaki in high heels made for a professional wrestler.

"But, why isn't my name on here?" Fifteen minutes and a bag of ice later, the swelling on his eye was noticeably less, if moderately more purple than it had been before. "I mean, they're getting Liz 'n Patti stuff…. Probably getting Kid stuff…. That'd explain all of these weird number things. But…. I mean, why am I not on there?" He sniffed. "I like getting presents, too!"

"Black Star, I really don't think this is a present shop-" She tried again in vain.

"I'll find that stupid Soul!" He stood up suddenly, fire in his eyes and flames dancing in the background. He raised his fist into the air. "AND HE WILL GET ME A PRESENT!"

Tsubaki sighed in the corner and went, once more, to fetch the fire extinguisher.

* * *

"MY LIST!" Kid wailed, on his knees, hands clutching his hair. Soon he stood up and saw, in the reflection of a window, he had messed it up. This simply caused him to wail once more and dash back down to the basement of the mall to the showers.

Liz looked at Patti. "Okay, I didn't take that list. So where is it?"

Patti blinked innocently. "Why would I take it, silly? He probably dropped it."

"You were the rampaging monster, you know."

"Well, I wouldn't be if scientific people would simply admit that PLUTO IS A PLANET!" She shrieked. Then a pause. "I'm cool, I'm cool."

Liz and Kid peered out from behind the table they had retreated to and overturned to create a makeshift shield. It didn't hurt to be prepared.

Patti shook her head and resumed her bubbly life. "OOO! Look, ICE CREAM!"

"I'm going to die here." Liz moaned, as her and the ever determined Kid followed the easily distracted Patti to a world full of ice cream and rainbows and who-knows what else.

* * *

"So the first thing on this list is a black jacket, right? This one has an X beside it, so they must have already gotten it! We need to find where they got this jacket in order to figure out where they went so we can ask them what they're getting me for Christmas! Cause I really don't see anything on this list that I realllly want. But one problem…." Black Star frowned and looked around. "Where would you get a black jacket in a mall?"

"Um...Black Star…"

"I'm thinking, Tsubaki...hmmm...hmmmm…"

"Um, Black Star."

"Not now, Tsubaki, I'm trying to figure out where to get a black jacket!"

"Black Star!"

"What!"

She pointed and he turned around. "Ishbar's Men's Tailoring? What's in there? Let's go in, Tsubaki." He walked inside, with Tsubaki following. They found rows upon rows of black jackets, socks, suits, pants, blazers, ties, shoes, shirts, collared shirts, button up shirts, button up shirts with collars, collard shirts with pockets, belts, shoe laces, texas ties, and other black men's wear (including the not-quite delicates). "Hm….this looks promising… I think they may have the jacket!" He said triumphantly.

Tsubaki smiled, relief on her face. "Oh? I think you're correct, Black Star!"

A salesmen walked up. "Hello, my name is Ishbar! I own the store. How can I help you?"

Black Star was lost in thought. Tsubaki decided to attempt an answer.

"Well, actually, we're lookin-"

"Not now, Tsubaki! I have to think!" Black Star waved the man away. He shrugged and disappeared. Tsubaki inwardly despaired. He brightened up as the lightbulb hovering over his head coughed its dust off and lit up.

"I have an idea!"

"You...do?"

"Yeah! We'll just find the guy that owns this place and ask him if he's seen Soul or Maka! That'll have to work!" He grinned. Tsubaki slumped forward.

"Black Star… the man that came over here owned the store. He's gone now."

"Gone? What'dya mean, gone?"

* * *

"WHAT'DYA MEAN THE LIST IS GONE?" Liz shrieked again. The enormity of the situation had taken some time and several sundaes to sink in. She was instantly hushed by several poor, unaware shoppers. She glared. "Sorry. What'dya mean, the list is gone?" She repeated in a whisper, making up for the volume by the number of punctuation following the statement.

"I think he means we no longer have it, sis!"

"….thank you Patti." Liz groaned.

"Don't despair, ladies! We cannot give up hope! I have planned for this!" He pulled out from his left pocket an identical list. "I have a copy!"

"yay!" Liz whispered.

Even Patti was relieved. "That's good! We don't have to change a thing!"

"Yes, we can get back to shopping now…. Just as soon as I make another copy of the list for my right pocket…. Where's my notepad… Liz? I gave it to you to carry, didn't I? Patti, I need my pen!"

The girls fished out Kid's requested supplies from their bags and handed them to him. He sat down at a table and began the arduous process of copying the list once more.

* * *

List:

1 Jacket- replace black one with asymmetrical seams on the shoulders

4 pairs of socks- matching pairs have disappeared or gained holes

1 cloak- Lost mine at sea.

2 tape measures- because one is never accurate enough

Tweezers- Liz's eyebrows are getting out of hand again, and the old ones have a scratch down one side, not the other.

4 Bras- Liz and Patti must match as much as they can

43 rolls of toilet paper- must build pyramid

* * *

After a few hours, the list was neatly-perfectly- copied. They were onec again ready to resume their mission.

* * *

Day: 443

Time: 6:31 PM

Mood: Disgruntled

Thoughts:

Today has been a complete waste of time! Not only did we have our first run in with The Holiday Shoppers, I also lost my list. On the bright side, I did get to shower. I think we will eat dinner and perhaps try to get that cloak. Did we get the socks? Mental note: check to see if we ended up getting socks….

* * *

Find out what happens Next Time, on Chapter 10-Hide and Seek


End file.
